黑仔 发表于 2012-2-10 22:30   全显示 1楼
写到第二集，更加突出人物描写。把我带入书景更深，吸引目光。
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黑仔 发表于 2012-2-20 00:12   全显示 2楼
天天期待楼主的更新，一进网就奔原创来。却天天未见楼主放贴，非常的纠结中。我觉得这章开始把主角搬入到乱伦中很有伏笔。接着可以多写主角没入俱乐部前时，主角如何干老姐，或者不经意碰见老婆的偷吃，让文章增添些色彩，楼主也可以借见《姐妹交换》那篇文章。可以深动些。
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