moyingzhang 发表于 2013-8-8 22:55   全显示 1楼
写的还可以，不过情节不紧凑，没太多的代入感，总体来说还是可以的。最主要的是文章中的各种情节不够完整，对话太多，没有环境细节，让大家看着没有太多感觉，如果加入些环境描写，渲染铺垫一下会更好，主要还是文笔问题，大大应该多看看一些其他的文章，充实一下自己文笔会更好。
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